# release and forget.

just a good evening. Assalamualaikum everyone.



I just saw him. yeap. him. my 5 years part time lover. and his new car. and his gf. whatever. the point is, I realize, over these 5 years, you taught me how to be a good Raja Zainab. how to be a better person. and how to look some point from some other perspective.

"dear you.
i know, it is hard to forget you. 3 years wasn't a short period for me. you have become my secret love before, and this 5th year really the best year for me to forget.  i know, we have been through rough and plough together. sharing thought and everything. yes, i admit it is hard for me to forget.

by seeing you, living your life happily with your love one, makes me realize, i have to move on. yes. since the last day i know you never be mine, i told myself moving on is the best. but still, it never happen. i am still looking for you, yet still need you to be my wake up call every time i need to done my assignments. oh, how i miss you boy.

remember, when i told you my friend likes you? you just follow my advice. do made a call and have a chat with her. deep inside, i just tear my own heart. but it is okay. i chose this way. and always thanks to you because always be by my side even i know, there is no way for me to make this feeling real.

and remember when i need you while i'm working at Ukay's? and how i need you to accompany me to Istana Budaya? and how i need you to brought me to see Anis when she needs me right before she got operated then we go to Damansara to get your advance birthday present? how i miss our days. really miss that.

there a so many memories between us. and i think this is the perfect time for me to move on. i need to find somebody that can place the missing puzzle. i have plenty of friends, but i don't really found some other you. maybe i am choosy, or maybe there is always you inside me. don't worry, i will let myself moving on and get the happiness as you do.

thank you sir. you are the only best teacher.


regards, your only Raja Zainab."

# pukau.

diam.

observe dari jauh.

senyum.

hai, sebagai pemula.

aku perempuan.

mudah terpana dengan keindahan ciptaan Tuhan.

sedikit geli.

tapi aku tahu

aku mula berangan kau mula dulu.

hai.

nak panggil apa?

aku mula jadi lipas kena spray.

macam geli impian jadi nyata.

dalam otak nak jawab apa.

tapi sayang

mulut tak sekolah.

jenab je.

cukop.

dah tak ada nama sweet lagi?

atau kau memang nak tunjuk

kau masih bernama klasik?

show off.

jenab?

jarang dengar nama tu.

unik.

dan 

senang nak ingat.

tolong jangan bagi aku angau.

tolong jangan memukau.

meski ada daya tarikan magnet melampau.

belum masa untuk kau aku igau.

tapi. kau comel. #JanjiPengakap.

ps, .RZ.

# kau saja boleh rasa..

Aku lebih bengis dari sang naga

Tapi bisa nangis semata demi cinta

Suaraku keras tak berbahasa

Kerna aku rimas gedik mengada-ngada

fin

# nasi lemak tasik kegemaran kita?

aku tak pasti. entah bagaimana perbualan menjadi semakin intim. yang aku pasti, kegemaran kita sama. nasi lemak tasik. mungkin bertahun makanan itu kau hadap, dan tauke kedai pula makcik aku. benar kata kau. pusing-pusing, kita pasti jumpa semula. entah bagaimana aku mahu elak.

sungguh. aku memang mahu elak dari perasaan perasan..

kau suka bungkus sambal resipi rahsia keluarga aku. dan suruh aku bawakan kau nanti. konon mahu imbas kenangan masa studi. 

"oh, awak pun suka try makan lah ni?"

iye. sebab tu awak boleh tengok saiz saya bagaimana. ah. aku tak jawab macam tu. jawapan aku sering ke arah membangga diri. 

"aah. sebab tu masak jadi kemahiran. kalau tak reti masak, macam mana nak makan?"

ba betul. tak ada langsung kecomelan masa menjawab. tetap nak menang. tetap nak nampak cool. tetap pilih untuk memboyish. eh. ada ke memboyish? ah. tetap aku tak comel bila menjawab. 

tak apa. tak comel pun, aku masih hidup normal. syukur. <konon pujuk diri>

tapi aku masih tak paham. kenapa nasi lemak tasik yang kita sama-sama gila?

p.s : ba tu maksudnya gila.

love, .RZ.